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Motherhood To Me

May 11, 2019 By Kathie Z

Two weeks ago, I came across a post asking for writers to submit their definitions of motherhood. In 100 words or less. Yikes. Sum up the last two decades of my life in 100 words or less? It was worth a try. And the word that came to mind was heart.

Motherhood is a work of heart.
It’s diving into the unknown.
It’s following your gut, trusting your instincts.
It’s calling in your mother for help.

Motherhood is loving someone more than you ever knew possible.
It’s being afraid, but choosing to be brave.
It’s saying the right thing or saying nothing at all.
It’s choosing self-less-ness.

Motherhood is imperfect.
It’s shouting, it’s joy.
It’s heartbreak and joy.
It’s messing up, saying “I’m sorry.”

Motherhood is all-encompassing.
It’s a worried mind, a sleepless night.
It’s an answered phone.
It’s a conversation ended with “I love you.”

Motherhood is heart work.

The 100th Day, A Day to Reflect

February 3, 2019 By Kathie Z

Goalposts. They’re everywhere. Lines painted on turf, items crossed off a to do list.

They’re the physical and metaphorical end zones guiding us in the direction of goals.

In sports, the goalposts are clearly defined, outlined in brightly colored paint. Athletes make their way down the field in bursts of energy, progressing towards the goal line. Sometimes they cross the line, sometimes their progress is deterred. All the while, time is ticking away and every moment counts. Because the game has a finite amount of minutes. There is little time to celebrate when players cross the goal line, score points for their team. Taking time to celebrate during the game is not an option. Game time is too precious, the stakes too high.

In so many of our real lives we, too set goals and get to work making our way down the field, mindful not to run down the clock. We achieve one goal and quickly set another, keep moving forward towards the next goalpost. Over and over again we repeat this process. Set goal. Work towards goal. Achieve goal. Repeat.

This week while so many are focused on football’s Super Bowl, I’m preparing for the primary grade big event, the 100^thday of school. In the primary grades, the 100^thday is a. Big. Deal. It is a major goalpost.

100 means so much to small children. It represents an understanding of math concepts. 100 equals 100 ones, 10 tens and 1 100! 100 days is also a big deal because it signifies such a huge chunk of time passed in the eyes of a young child.

Historically, the 100^thday has been a fun-filled day in my classroom, centered around the theme of the number 100. My students complete a number of 100 themed math and writing activities. Laughter fills the classroom as children ponder what life will be like in their far, far away future.

Year after year as the 100^thday came to a close, I struggled with remaining present. Rather than basking in the joy of the day, I couldn’t help but think about the looming June goal post. After 100^thday, time seems to magically speed up, the remaining days pass at an accelerated pace. Rather than marvel at all the good learning that had occurred, I thought about all that still remained to be done!

This year I’m choosing to view the 100^thday through a different lens. This 100^thday, my students and I will take time to reflect and we will celebrate. Because they have invested a lot of effort into their learning. They’ve done hard work, pushed through challenges, made great progress.

And what a powerful lesson for all of us; parents, educators, children. To take time to reflect on our efforts, make note of progress we’ve made, and be proud of how far we’ve come.

There will always be goalposts. And time will always be precious. But there’s always enough time for acknowledging, appreciating and celebrating where we are now.

©Kathie Z.

Progress

January 13, 2019 By Kathie Z

For the past few years rather than craft New Year’s resolutions, my sister and I have chosen theme words. Inspired by the Rubin sisters, Gretchen the O.G. happiness expert and her younger sister Elizabeth, my sister and I have chosen our words and shared them with one another. The word is meant to serve multiple purposes: inspire, encourage and motivate. And in our case, provide accountability.

Most years, I choose a word hastily. There are so many words and in the panic of the January 1 deadline, I choose a good enough word, then forget it or replace it before January is even done.

On Christmas, my sister asked me if I had given my word for 2019 any thought. “Nope,” I said. She was excited. She had chosen hers. She was already practicing utilizing hers. My closest accountability partner, I knew she’d be checking up on me, encouraging me to make 2019 the year. So, I started thinking about the year and the different things I want to accomplish personally and professionally.

I had a week’s notice. And then our mother got sick. My siblings and I turned our focus to our mother. Standing in the coffee line in the hospital lobby café on New Year’s Day, my sister asked, “So what’s your word?”

“Dunno,” I said.

As the days passed, our mother was getting better. Bit by bit. She was making progress.

And then it hit me. Progress. That is my word of this year.

Embracing progress as my word of the year is a huge deal. It’s an acknowledgement of small, incremental forward movement. It is honoring the process, rather than putting all of the value on the finished product. Progress encourages acknowledgement which encourages perseverance which ultimately leads to accomplishment.

Which is what we primary educators do every day. We note the progress our students make daily. It’s why we collect work samples, portfolio assess. Then we provide verbal feedback, tailor instruction and encourage our students to keep going. Remind them, “you’ve got this.” Progress is at the root of the growth model we primary teachers know so well.

And when our students look at the work they did at the onset of the year and compare it to the work they are currently doing? Well, the joy in the room is contagious, the energy electric. Because our students are proud of how far they’ve come.

But we adults who tended towards perfectionism fail to recognize the progress we make in teeny, tiny incremental steps. Instead, we put an inflated value on the end product; dishonoring the effort, failure, and learning we’ve experienced. How ridiculous is that?

So I encourage you to choose your word for the year. And while you’re at it, encourage your kids to choose one, too.

©Kathie Z.

Gratitude and Garlic Mashed Potatoes

November 22, 2018 By Kathie Z

It’s Thanksgiving morning and I’m enjoying the special quiet that comes with being the only one awake. Even the dog, snuggled up close is snoozing.

While I enjoy my second cup of coffee, I can’t help but reflect, count myself among the blessed. Both of my children are home. All are well in our house.

In a few hours, the four of us will be heading to my parents’ house for a day-long feast. We’ll join my parents, siblings, their spouses and children. We will assemble as a family (minus my brother and sister-in-law, my nieces and nephew) once again. It will be a long, noisy day, so for the moment I’m enjoying my solitude. Bathing in the quiet. Feeling grateful.

Grateful for the family I will see today. Grateful for the family who will be celebrating with others. Grateful for the friends near and far. Grateful for the love that connects us all.

If I were to continue listing all of the people and things to be grateful for this year, I’d stay in this space for who knows how long? And the mashed potatoes, my contribution to our family feast wouldn’t get made. Aside from my daughters’ amazing scratch made pies and pumpkin cheesecake, my mother (with great help from my sister) insists on making everything herself. Except for the mashed potatoes. My mashed potatoes. Which are actually smashed with garlic. Which have grown in quantity from three pounds to five.

This year there will be some empty chairs. And we’ll miss those absent. A lot. But we’ll still feel grateful. Grateful for each other. Grateful for the amazing food. Grateful for…

Because like garlic smashed potatoes, you can never have too much gratitude.

©Kathie Z.

NO-vember Challenges

November 9, 2018 By Kathie Z

It’s November. The month that makes me freak out a little. The hours of sunlight shorten. The to-dos seem to grow like gremlins fed after midnight. And my enemy perfection tries to creep its ugly little self back into my being in teeny-tiny ways.

In November, life seems to speed up for me. There’s so much to do in the 30 days that are already flying by. So much to accomplish.

Somehow November has shifted from a lull between back to school and winter holidays to an amped-up take the challenge month. The challenge to do, more be more. Now! In the past few days, I’ve received emails and messages encouraging me to jump in; amp up my gratitude practice, up my exercise routine, get that novel written. Instead of inspired, I’m feeling exhausted. Tempted to throw the blankets over my head and say, “wake me in January.”

November has always been a stress trigger for me. It starts with my husband’s birthday, the official start to the holiday season for our family. For as long as I’ve known him, November has been “birthday month.” From the first dinner served on the red birthday plate at his dad’s house to the annual attempt at recreating Grandma Ellie’s famous seven layer cake at his mom’s, the birthday expectation was set. And the pressure I’ve felt to deliver for his birthday hasn’t dissipated in the nearly three decades we’ve been together. Although, full disclosure: he’s always been happy with whatever or nothing at all, wrapped up prettily or handed over in the crinkly bag from the store.

This year is different, though. It’s the first he’ll be celebrating without either of his parents. Which is difficult.

The girls and I have decided to try to reinvent “birthday month” with small gestures to fill the void. And it’s been a challenge. And that got me thinking, reflecting. It has been one challenging year already. I simply have no more room on my plate.

So I’ve made the bold decision to say NO, declare this month NO-vember. Because I am choosing to say no, thank you. To each and every tempting challenge. I’d love to, but I simply can’t right now. Won’t.

Life has shown me that challenges will continue presenting themselves. Similarly, there will always be opportunities for improvement, invitations to do more, be more. But for now, I’m doing enough. I am enough. And I’m succeeding. (In a messy, imperfect, doing the best I can kind of way).

Because in spite of everything, I’m still acutely aware of the things that are good. And I’m grateful.

To all of you invested in November challenges, I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely. I’ll catch you next time. Maybe.

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