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A Birthday Gift

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It’s a cold, rainy, autumn New England day. A stay in your pjs, sip tea kind of day. The kind of day that invites quiet contemplation.

It just so happens today is my daughter’s birthday. It’s her 22nd, but in a way, it’s another first.

It’s the first birthday she’s celebrating far away from us.

Coming to the realization we wouldn’t be spending this birthday with her was another reminder that she’s grown, on a journey that’s leading her to places unknown. Although I’m incredibly excited for her and the infinite possibilities that exist, I can’t help but reflect on the days gone too soon.

Remembering the bright, sunny day when she’d turned one brings a smile to my face. Dressed in black leggings, a white fleece sweater and a pair of Stride-Rite walking shoes, she’d taken her first steps. She was so proud of herself. I remember feeling a twinge sad then at how fast my baby was growing up. That memory led to the memory of her eleventh birthday. She’d been so confused when we met her at the bus, told her there was a surprise waiting at the house. When she got inside, she found a puppy; small and brown, unnamed, a bow attached to his collar. She sat on the floor, snuggled him. She was so excited, she promised, “I will never ever in my whole life ask you guys for anything else again.” We laughed, knowing her earnest promise was impossible to keep. And last year when she’d turned 21…it had been parent’s weekend at her college. The last we’d attend.

Knowing we’ll be together as a family to celebrate her birthday in a few weeks, my husband and I still wanted her to have a gift from us on her actual birthday. But what? We went back and forth discussing options. There were things every young person needs when they leave home. Things like furniture and rugs. Stuff everyone needs when they’re just starting out. But those were just “things.” Things that she’d collect piece by piece, accumulate over time. Replace when they were no longer useful.

We decided to choose the option that would bring her the most happiness.

And then it occurred to me. It didn’t matter what we sent her. Not really. Because over the course of the last 22 years, she’d received the most tremendous gift of all. From a whole bunch of us; her family, teachers, professors, mentors, and friends. Each one of us had made small contributions in the forms of encouragement, empathy, and love that had accumulated, grown-amounted to most valuable gift of all; worthiness.

Making deposits, increasing a child’s self-worth can be done quickly, simply. By sharing a kind word, a smile. Being an engaged listener; keeping quiet, nodding in understanding. Clearly communicating expectations while tolerating mistakes, turning them into learning opportunities…

In a million small ways, day after day, we adults can affect positive change by helping our kids to grow their own sense of worthiness. Because in the end, isn’t that what we all want? To know we’ve given the kids the tools to live their lives with confidence, creativity and compassion?

I can’t think of a better gift.

©Kathie Z.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Encouragement’s on the Wall

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Every profession has its jargon and my field, education, has lots. One term we teachers hear used a lot is “literacy-rich environment,” sometimes referred to as “text-rich environment.” Educators invest time and energy creating literacy-rich classroom environments to promote literacy, a cornerstone of academic success and life-long learning.

So, what exactly constitutes a literacy-rich environment, you may wonder? Well, according to the experts, a literacy-rich environment is a classroom that has lots and lots of things for kids to read-ranging from calendars and schedules to books and magazines, as well as instructional posters and teaching charts, to name a few. A literacy-rich environment includes a wide variety of writing materials, as well. “Writing materials” encompasses everything from the expected classroom writing tools, paper and pencil to markers, crayons, chalk, dry-erase boards and rubber stamps. There are so many ways we teachers can cultivate our spaces to inspire and support student literacy.

The other day I prepared my daughter’s bedroom for her weekend visit home. As I dusted and tidied, I looked at her space with a critical eye. Not very surprising, her room is a text-book example of an incredibly literacy-rich environment. We’d fostered a love of reading, writing and self-expression in our home, so it was no surprise to find she’d filled her space, made it engaging, inviting the visitor to “read the room.” On one wall there are shelves filled with novels and textbooks, on another a bulletin board with handwritten notes and acceptance letters, a poster sized map of New York City. Another wall in her room is a massive chalkboard filled with doodles and some of her favorite quotes collected from books and artists. Reading my daughter’s room made me smile, appreciating the gift of the person who curated this space. I realized this is the space of an engaged learner, but more importantly, it also the private space of an inspired, brave, feeling person. The items she’s collected and displayed provide her with artistic inspiration and encouragement to put herself and her work out in the greater world.

chalkboard inspiration

Then it hit me, her room is what I call an “encouragement-rich environment”! Curious, I decided to take an observation walk around the house. (This is a learning activity in which teachers lead students on a walk, typically around the school, encouraging them to look closely, notice things in their environment and make discoveries.) In a matter of minutes, I found my daughter’s room was not unique in being encouragement-rich. I found evidence of inspiring, “you can do its” in just about every space. Postcards with trust your gut sayings are pinned to the kitchen bulletin board. Mugs stored in the cabinet declare, “You are my Sunshine.” Our daughters’ original art hangs on the walls, beautifying the space while validating their life choices. In our office, a sign states that “Good things come to those who create.” In the living room, a book shelf is filled with novels by authors whose stories of perseverance while navigating the publication process serves as my personal motivator. Encouragement abounds in our house.

I thought about the choices I’d made when decorating our house to create an environment that was safe, but promoted creativity and risk taking. I thought of the pillow I’d bought encouraging my daughter to “believe in her dreams,” pursue a career in the arts, the coffee-table book of successful, contemporary female artists that both of my daughters received one Christmas.

After walking through our house, I realized it’s nearly impossible to escape encouraging words. And this makes me so happy. I thought about when my girls were little, when I told them to “use their words,” express themselves. I see that I had been doing just that, too. Using words. Not only to bolster my daughters’ literacy skills and promote a love of learning, but to encourage and lift them up.

©Kathie Z.

 

Turning Points

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Both of my daughters are at turning points. One is weeks away from graduating from college. The other weeks away from declaring her major. Both are faced with the question: What next?

This question mark is huge. There is absolutely no known answer to this question. Because it’s this question that leads to a slew of other questions. Which, when you share intense passion for creativity and are inherently square-peggish, can be inordinately anxiety producing.

I’ve spent a lot of time on the phone with my older daughter recently. She’s been feeling the pressure of the what next question. It seems everyone she meets from relatives to shop keepers want to know what her next steps are. Some even ask, “What are you going to do?” or “Do you have a job yet?”

The truth of the matter is, I don’t want her to take a “job.” She is an artist. A gifted painter. Her work is beautiful, impactful. And she’s been told by people in the art world, not her mother, people who actually know things that she can make a living as an artist. And live independently. Which is my dream for her.

Her younger sister texted last night, wanting to talk. Which is a big deal. My younger daughter is a very closed-mouth social butterfly. She’d make an amazing undercover operative, we joke. She’s a vault. Except her emotions have a limit and her voice gives her away. She too, is at a turning point. She’s realized she can no longer avoid pursuing her passion, photography. She was upset about changing her academic focus; veering from dependable to unpredictable, disappointing us in the process.

I told her I got it. I did the same thing as a college sophomore. I realized that studying business was not for me. I wasn’t interested in balance sheets or debits and credits. Plus, I was a really bad business student, only good at the “fluff” courses that tapped into my creativity. Numbers numbed me and I over-thank everything. Suffice it to say, I still recall the teary conversation I had with my mother all those years ago when I told her I wanted to study literature instead. And with my father’s blessing, I declared myself an English major, minoring in dance, veering away from a predictable profession.

Until I’d spoken with my younger daughter last night, I’d all but forgotten about the stress of declaring a major in college. When I told her to declare her art major, I felt a heavy burden evaporate. Problems grow to enormous proportions in our imaginations when we keep them to ourselves. Turning points arise when we need them, not when we want them.

The irony of my children being in such synchronicity is not lost on me. They’ve both been feeling the pressure of meeting the expectations of people who don’t matter. Last night I was blunt with my younger daughter. I interrupted her mid-explanation as to why she no longer wanted to pursue the major she had previously (confusing to me) declared. She had to take a course in which she pursued a passion project related to the field. She was stumped for a topic. I told her matter-of-factly, “That’s because it’s not your passion.” She was taken aback a little. I pressed on. “What would make you happy?”

“Photography,” she said through tears.

“Then do it,” I said. “That was the plan, anyway.”

Which is the honest-to-goodness truth.

My oldest daughter picked up a crayon before a pencil. I can’t remember a time she hasn’t been drawing. And my younger daughter became a photographer the moment she picked up her first point and shoot. Both of my children are incredible artists. Who see the world in a different way than most. And the world needs the beauty and perspective artists provide.

I applaud their courage to choose the path of authenticity and creative expression. They’ve chosen challenging, creative fields, but I know they’ll both be fine. Will their chosen passions bring the creature comforts they’ve grown accustomed to? I don’t know. Only time will tell.

But I do know their work is just as meaningful as any other traditional type of work they could choose. I also know, if they choose to turn later on down the road, elect a more traditional path, that will be o.k., too. Their creativity will never die; it’s an integral part of each of them. At this turning point in the road, I want my girls to know what it took me so many years of suppressing my own creative impulses to learn; your work is a reflection of who you are, not the definition.

© Kathie Z.

 

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