becoming type z

Dedicated to educating, empowering, growing self esteem and inner peace kid by kid.

You are here: Home / Archives for Uncategorized

Uncategorized

The 100th Day, A Day to Reflect

By

Goalposts. They’re everywhere. Lines painted on turf, items crossed off a to do list.

They’re the physical and metaphorical end zones guiding us in the direction of goals.

In sports, the goalposts are clearly defined, outlined in brightly colored paint. Athletes make their way down the field in bursts of energy, progressing towards the goal line. Sometimes they cross the line, sometimes their progress is deterred. All the while, time is ticking away and every moment counts. Because the game has a finite amount of minutes. There is little time to celebrate when players cross the goal line, score points for their team. Taking time to celebrate during the game is not an option. Game time is too precious, the stakes too high.

In so many of our real lives we, too set goals and get to work making our way down the field, mindful not to run down the clock. We achieve one goal and quickly set another, keep moving forward towards the next goalpost. Over and over again we repeat this process. Set goal. Work towards goal. Achieve goal. Repeat.

This week while so many are focused on football’s Super Bowl, I’m preparing for the primary grade big event, the 100thday of school. In the primary grades, the 100thday is a. Big. Deal. It is a major goalpost.

100 means so much to small children. It represents an understanding of math concepts. 100 equals 100 ones, 10 tens and 1 100! 100 days is also a big deal because it signifies such a huge chunk of time passed in the eyes of a young child.

Historically, the 100thday has been a fun-filled day in my classroom, centered around the theme of the number 100. My students complete a number of 100 themed math and writing activities. Laughter fills the classroom as children ponder what life will be like in their far, far away future.

Year after year as the 100thday came to a close, I struggled with remaining present. Rather than basking in the joy of the day, I couldn’t help but think about the looming June goal post. After 100th day, time seems to magically speed up, the remaining days pass at an accelerated pace. Rather than marvel at all the good learning that had occurred, I thought about all that still  remained to be done!

This year I’m choosing to view the 100thday through a different lens. This 100thday, my students and I will take time to reflect and we will celebrate. Because they have invested a lot of effort into their learning. They’ve done hard work, pushed through challenges, made great progress.

And what a powerful lesson for all of us; parents, educators, children. To take time to reflect on our efforts, make note of progress we’ve made, and be proud of how far we’ve come.

There will always be goalposts. And time will always be precious. But there’s always enough time for acknowledging, appreciating and celebrating where we are now.

©Kathie Z.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gratitude and Garlic Mashed Potatoes

By

It’s Thanksgiving morning and I’m enjoying the special quiet that comes with being the only one awake. Even the dog, snuggled up close is snoozing.

While I enjoy my second cup of coffee, I can’t help but reflect, count myself among the blessed. Both of my children are home. All are well in our house.

You can never have too many potatoes!

In a few hours, the four of us will be heading to my parents’ house for a day-long feast. We’ll join my parents, siblings, their spouses and children. We will assemble as a family (minus my brother and sister-in-law, my nieces and nephew) once again. It will be a long, noisy day, so for the moment I’m enjoying my solitude. Bathing in the quiet. Feeling grateful.

Grateful for the family I will see today. Grateful for the family who will be celebrating with others. Grateful for the friends near and far. Grateful for the love that connects us all.

If I were to continue listing all of the people and things to be grateful for this year, I’d stay in this space for who knows how long? And the mashed potatoes, my contribution to our family feast wouldn’t get made. Aside from my daughters’ amazing scratch made pies and pumpkin cheesecake, my mother (with great help from my sister) insists on making everything herself. Except for the mashed potatoes. My mashed potatoes. Which are actually smashed with garlic. Which have grown in quantity from three pounds to five.

This year there will be some empty chairs. And we’ll miss those absent. A lot. But we’ll still feel grateful. Grateful for each other. Grateful for the amazing food. Grateful for…

Because like garlic smashed potatoes, you can never have too much gratitude.

©Kathie Z.

 

 

 

 

The Power to Choose Our Feelings

By

A few years back, I heard this quote, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, I thought, wow. That’s some powerful stuff. You go, Eleanor. I loved the idea of holding one’s own space. I was at a point in my life where I’d become comfortable with my adult self and I found this quote inspiring.

But lately, this quote has been bothering me. As a mother and educator of small children, I’ve been thinking, now wait a minute, Eleanor. Were you suggesting what I think you were? That each of us is solely responsible for our self-esteem? Maybe grown people, adults. What about the children?

I knew Eleanor was an advocate for children. Perhaps, I thought, I’d been reading the quote wrong, attributing meaning where there was none. So, I did what I so often do when something bugs me, I go in search of information. Which means I did a quick Google search. And I found a story tied to this quote on the website, quoteinvestigator.

Mrs. Roosevelt’s original quote, it seems, had been part of a longer response to a reporter’s question about a situation where snub may or may not have occurred to a government official. When Mrs. Roosevelt was asked to weigh in on the situation, she (in my opinion) answered quite diplomatically. First, she said (and I’m paraphrasing) the snub had to have been made intentionally in order for it to have even been perceived as a snub. Mrs. Roosevelt went on to say that when we, the ones on the receiving end of a confusing, possibly offensive interaction are feeling unsure of ourselves, it is easy to feel insulted, marginalized.

In essence, she was saying we have the power to let a comment or action grow, become “a thing,” which can make us feel poorly about ourselves. But when we feel confident, know where we stand, we can laugh at remarks, brush off slights, render them powerless. A few years later, the website said, her remarks were shortened in a Reader’s Digest story, distilled into the famous quote that’s been bugging me so much lately. Hmm.

After mulling it over, I think Eleanor demonstrated kindness and empowerment. How can we ever know the intent of another without asking? But so often we jump to conclusions. Create narratives to explain our feelings away. And in the process, we choose to give our power away, we choose to feel offended.

Going further, I think what Eleanor was essentially saying was that sometimes people do or say things intentionally that make us feel bad. Other times, though, the things people say or do that make us feel crummy are completely unintended. Thoughtless comments, brain-cramps, social whoops.

And it’s up to us, completely in our control, to determine the motivation of the other. Choose how we’re going to respond. Or not respond. We can deem the other person offensive and reestablish a boundary line, disengage or we can recognize their misstep as nothing more than a mistake, choose to meet them with compassion.  It’s completely up to us. We can choose to be offended or just to let it go. Wowsa. That’s some serious empowerment! And such a great lesson to teach our kids.

Because think about it; when our kids hurt, we feel their pain just as acutely, sometimes even more. The birthday party our child wasn’t invited to, the recess when there was “nobody” to play with, the playdate our child heard happened without them. All of these things happen. None of them are pleasant. But we adults have the choice to interpret as the incident as a slight or a non-event. And teach our children that they, too, have the power to reflect, feel and choose to feel good about themselves anyway.

In the age of technology and social media, where every moment is shared, it’s so incredibly easy to feel snubbed, question ourselves. And when the icky feelings get stirred up, we need to remind our kids and ourselves of Eleanor’s impactful words. Remember each of us has the power to choose how to feel.

©Kathie Z.

 

 

Oh, August

By


August, the third month of summer for most people, the last hurrah. But it you’re a teacher or school-aged kid, August is not only the last month of summer, it is the month that whizzes by at hyper-speed. Kids and teachers become acutely aware of the dwindling hours of daylight, signaling back to school time.

Speaking for teachers, August is like an alarm clock buzzing. It’s our pre-season. Because there’s always so much to do before the students return: setting up classrooms, organizing materials, planning lessons. And we have to be ready. That’s why we teachers seem to morph into meteorologists in August. We use the 10 day forecast to plan classroom days while trying to squeeze in one more outside in the sunshine day with friends and family. August is like a delicious meal to be savored, shared and appreciated.

For kids, though, August can trigger feelings of aw or ahhh! The aw group of kids, the Awgust kids, would be thrilled if the carefree days of summer went on forever. They’ve adapted to summer easily-embracing fun-filled, unstructured days that extend into night. Bedtimes and homework have been forgotten. August, though, can make even the most chill child moan, “aw!” All too soon, their days will once again become structured, follow a calendar. Their days will be separated into school days and weekends, where work time and play time are clearly defined. Speaking of work time, August is like an “ahem,” time to get going on that summer reading list.

Sometimes, though, students feel worried about a new school year starting. These kids can view the last month of summer vacation as Ahgust. In many districts, the month starts with class assignment letters sent home, making the idea of a new year real. A new year means starting over in a new classroom with a new teacher, new kids and a new set of expectations. There are more unknowns than knowns. Which can be downright scary.

After more than two decades of teaching and parenting, I have found specific worries to cause August angst for lots of kids. They are:

  • Dislike of change and the unknown.
  • Fear of being alone with no friends in class.
  • Worry that the new grade will be too hard.
  • Having set their heart set on a specific teacher, getting assigned to a different class.

Here are some simple, straight-forward strategies for helping your child to navigate the feelings of disappointment and worry for the new school year ahead (without solving the problem yourself).

  1. Some children are lovers of routine and predictability. You can help your child process their unease about starting a new school year by inviting them to express their feelings aloud. If you can tap into memories of feeling the same way, great. If not, listen while your child talks. Sometimes children just need to get the feelings out to feel validated. This is a great time to model empathy.
  2. Lots of kids fear being alone, friendless in the classroom. This is a common worry. All kids develop friendships in the classroom. Have your child recount the names of friends made in the past years. Ask them to tell the story of how they built those friendships. This is a great time to acknowledge the bravery they showed in putting themselves out there and express confidence in their ability to branch out again. Remind your child, there’s always recess to reconnect with friends from other classes.
  3. For many kids, the struggle is real. Learning has been a challenge and your child’s confidence is not as strong as you’d like it to be. Help bolster your child’s confidence by making a list of all of the things they can do now that they couldn’t do at the beginning of the last school year. Be specific. Did your child learn to read? Learn a bunch of math facts? Accomplishments add up quickly when given time to reflect.
  4. Class placements happen. Sometimes students are placed with the teacher they hoped to get, sometimes they aren’t. Know that class placements are not decided arbitrarily, there was a reason your child was placed in a specific class. If your child is bummed with the name on the letter sent home, take this as a wonderful invitation to discuss disappointment. Express excitement for the adventures that lie ahead. Remind your child that life is full of twists and turns and part of growing is navigating surprises. Growth happens when we step outside of our comfort zones and tackle the unknown.

Whether you have a few days or weeks until your child starts a new school year, enjoy each and every one.

©Kathie Z.

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is 50 Years Old But All New to Me

By

Recently, it seems everywhere I look, Mr. Rogers is trending. On social media, friends post inspirational memes of Mister Rogers smiling wide, reminding people to “look for the helpers.” Others share videos from his show that promote kindness and inclusion. I remember thinking, Mr. Rogers? For real? Until recently, I hadn’t given Mr. Rogers or his neighborhood much thought. When I was a kid, I rarely visited “the Neighborhood.” I was a Captain Kangaroo kid. I loved the people who lived in the animal cracker box. And when ping pong balls fell on Mr. Moose? That was hysterical. As I got older, and a premium was placed on being cool, I tuned in to the PBS alternatives, The Electric Company and Zoom. I prided myself on doing a spot-on Rita Moreno, “Hey you guys!” impression and speaking fluent Ubabubby Dubabubby.

But all of the hoopla about Mister Rogers’ Neighborhoodturning 50 this year caught my attention. As did the man, himself, Fred Rogers. I started feeling that maybe I’d missed the boat on something special. Twice. First as a child, then as a parent. I’d prided myself on limiting my kids’ media consumption, choosing their TV carefully. My preschoolers watched Sesame Street, Teletubbies and Blue’s Clues. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood had evaded my radar, altogether!

These past few weeks, I’ve done a deep dive into Mister Rogers, the man and the show. I started with Amy Hollingsworth’s book, The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers, an inspiring read that sheds light on the man behind the cardigan. And last week I jumped at the invitation to see the documentary, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? Both the book and the movie showed that Fred was Mister Rogers and Mister Rogers was Fred; a very special person, indeed.

As the credits rolled and my friend and I made our way to the parking lot, we marveled at what an amazing man Fred Rogers was and what a profoundly positive impact he had on generations of children, even if we couldn’t count ourselves in that number. I felt a twinge of sadness over what could have been. But we had been touched as adults. The last hour and a half had been incredibly impactful. As we talked, we decided that it was better to come to the Mister Rogers party late, rather than never having come at all.

Through his show, Mister Rogers gave visitors to his neighborhood countless gifts. Here are my favorites:

  1. The gift of slowing down. Fred spoke slowly and purposefully, heeding the yellow traffic light that flashed as the opening song played. Wouldn’t we be more effective parents, teachers, communicators if we, too, slowed down? Chose our words carefully, held space, allowed time for our words to be truly heard and processed? We educators say that kids deserve the gift of time and we use the term, “wait time,” in our classrooms. Yet we jam our everyday lives with so many things to do, rush from one thing to another. I think we could all benefit from heeding the yellow light rather than trying to make it through the green.
  2. The gift of expression. Fred talked a lot about feelings during his show. Because feelings matter. And children need to be taught how to express their feelings, be given the opportunity to discuss how they feel, even when the feelings are icky, uncomfortable for us, the adults. Allowing children to express their feelings in a safe environment helps our kids to feel safe, grow, become confident.
  3. The gift of song. Fred, an accomplished musician, incorporated music into each episode. Because music helped him process his feelings, made him feel better as a child. I’d argue the power of music holds true. Walk through the halls of an elementary school; you can hear kindergarteners joyfully singing about vowel sounds, primary kids choral reading poetry, chanting math facts, and bigger kids persevering to solve challenging math problems while quiet instrumentals play in the background. Notice the driver in the car beside you singing along with the radio.
  4. The gift of belonging. Speaking of music, Fred ended each show with a song, “You Are Special.” I love this song because of its simple message. This song does not teach, you are most special, or the only special one, as some critics have asserted. Instead, this song validates each of us for being who we are. And it reminds us that even though we are unique, which often makes us feel weird; we are all worthy, deserving of friendship and love.
  5. The gift of wonderment. Mister Rogers asked questions, lots of questions. Of the viewer and the people who interacted with on his show. By doing so, he accomplished two goals: promoting curiosity for life-long learning while building connections through conversation.
  6. The gift of validation. Perhaps the most important strategy we can take away from Mister Rogers is the importance of remembering what it was like to be a child. Many experts assert that this is why Mister Rogers was so effective in his work. Through the puppet Daniel Striped Tiger and even when speaking as himself, Fred demonstrated vulnerability and compassion. He acknowledged the difficulties of being a kid; whole-heartedly, respectfully.

Yesterday, I decided to watch an episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood on pbs.org, see what I’d missed out on. In the episode, Fred explored the ocean with my daughter’s personal hero, oceanographer Sylvia Earle. I was transfixed as they talked about conservation and managing pollution. The decades-old episode that explores the responsibility of caring for our earth stood the test of time. So much so that I sent my grown daughter the link.

“Cool,” she texted in response. I felt the smile spread across my face. My millennial daughter’s response summed up the ripple effect of Mister Rogers, 50 years after he welcomed children to his neighborhood and land of make-believe. Cool.

©Kathie Z.

 

 

Privacy Policy